Pumpkin pancakes + Intuitive Eating

Hello, darlings! The post you are reading right now marks a very special moment in CLK history: my first post ever. I know, I know - kind of scary, yet kind of exhilarating. I hope you're as excited as I am!

Today I'm going to be sharing with you my personal trials and triumphs in overcoming the evils of dieting, through a process called Intuitive Eating. My story isn't always a happy one, but I hope I can make up for it with a yummy recipe for pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes...mm. I had them for breakfast this morning, and let me tell you: you will savor every bite, especially after the hour of arduous flipping that ensues!

Now, you're probably wondering: what the heck is intuitive eating?!?

If you've read my about page at all, you'll know that I used to be a season ticket holder to the Diet Rollercoaster. I was constantly counting calories, frantically tracking everything I ate (hoping no one would notice), and worrying more about whether or not I squeezed in a run today than about the things that really matter to me: school, writing, and my relationships. The constant up and downs of dieting were not only detrimental to my self-esteem, but they zapped a lot of energy that I should have been channeling into my passions instead. Perhaps my biggest regret was the time I skipped out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet a real-life book publisher, just so I could run three miles - as if the novel I'd been writing for over a year now was somehow less important than feeling a little winded at the 5K I was scheduled to run that weekend.

I can't quite put my finger on when it all started - there wasn't a definite moment when, all of a sudden, some "fat switch" turned on inside my brain - but my best guess would be about halfway through my freshman year of high school. I had just gotten out of a relationship, and was never happier to be single...until I auditioned for the school play and developed a raging crush on an older boy (for the sake of privacy/comic relief, we will call him Muffin) who I fervently believed would never rank me as highly as my friend. (We'll call her Pizza.) 

Pizza was - and is - the kind of girl who attracts all the guys' attention without even trying. She possesses that enviable combination of good genes, remarkable bone structure, and flawless flirting technique that, for lack of better phrasing, brings the boys to the yard. At the time, Pizza was in an unhealthy relationship with a guy whom - thank God for all of us - she has long since broken up with. She wasn't happy with the man she had, so naturally, she began to look. And flirt. And flaunt all the assets she had that I happened to have been born without (ahem, boobs). 

Believe it or not, I was fine with that - it wasn't the flirting that bothered me. It was when she set her sights on the same boy I happened to have an excruciatingly intense crush on that my anxious brain went into a frenzy. That boy was, of course, Muffin.

Whether she realized it or not, Pizza egged me on by turning every day into a competition: she would recount the texts they'd exchanged, the looks he'd given her, the coy-yet-casual conversations they'd had (the kind of conversations that I, the awkward shy girl who tends to run away from her feelings instead of confronting them, was incapable of). What's more, she expected me to do the same so she could compare - and I did, because it made me happy to giggle with glee and pretend that maybe, just maybe, Muffin liked me, too. But those conversations only ever left me with a sinking pit in my stomach, a sickening feeling of dread. No matter what happened between me and Muffin, as soon as I heard Pizza's counterargument, I never quite felt like Muffin's treatment of me measured up to the attention he paid her. So I began to craft a solution.

Pizza may have been pretty, funny, and sweet, but the one thing she had never been was fit. It seemed like all of my prayers had been answered: all I had to do was become the Fit Girl, and bingo! My side of the Venn diagram finally had something men wanted. (I was sorely misguided in my beliefs that men preferred their women fit, tan, and skinny over strong, smart, and bootylicious. If I were to summarize everything a guy could want in three words, strong, smart, and bootylicious just about do it! And if any guy wants to disagree with me, then he's the one losing out on a strong, smart, bootylicious woman, not me.) 

By the time I'd come to realize this, Muffin and I were already dating - but that didn't stop me from being scared to lose him to Pizza. I swore to take whatever preventative measures I could, before I needed them. Combined with the looming presence of a quickly-approaching school trip to Florida (i.e. an obligation to wear a skimpy bathing suit in front of some thirty-plus male peers), I was completely disarmed by my ailing self-esteem. So I Googled "how to get flat abs in two weeks." I started a "Workouts" board on Pinterest. I began to fear cupcakes, white pasta, and basically any and all of the other foods I'd once known and loved. 

Ironic, isn't it, that Google was also the first one to tell me, a year and half later, that I might just have an eating disorder? After eating a giant bowl of baked mac and cheese at a cookout this summer - both "mac" and "cheese" were forbidden in my vocabulary, even though they've always been my two favorite foods - I got home, weighed myself, and burst into tears. 

As I lay in bed crippled by guilt, the tiniest thought occurred to me: why did I care so much in the first place? I'd always told myself that it was normal to want to look like the fitness models I saw online; after all, those bodies were supposed to epitomize health - and by the number of bloggers and pinners sending their so-called "clean eating" tips straight to my inbox each week, the whole of the internet seemed to share my desire to be healthy and fit. So, I wondered, if my obsession with fitness was so "normal," then why did I feel so positively...not? As I often do when I want answers, I picked up my phone and turned to Google. Twenty minutes later, I took a mental health quiz that declared I had "severe anorexic tendencies" and texted Muffin to ask if he thought I needed help. Despite my complete and utter faith in him, he was no professional - he didn't have the quick fix I was looking for; although his "I'm here for you" was well-appreciated, it didn't tell me if I had a serious problem or not. 

Deep in my heart, I think I already knew the answer - and I knew that the "fix" was anything but quick. I wasn't yet willing to put in the time or effort that recovery demanded (after all, I'd been dieting for so long now that it was second-nature). So, I took the easy way out, ignored my problems per usual - and found myself unhappier with my body, my diet, and myself than I'd ever been before. More than once, I found myself in tears over a number on the scale I didn't like, or a dress that no longer fit the way it was "supposed to". Unfortunately, it wasn't until the holidays, when I fell into a nasty cycle of binging, that I discovered Michelle May's Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat and finally got the help I'd craved and deserved. 

So that's how I developed disordered eating - now I bet you're wondering, what happened with Muffin?!? Well, in March of 2013, Muffin asked me out and assured me that he was, and had always been, enamored with me, not Pizza. Our first date was at Johnny Rocket's, and apart from the fact that his college is located two hours from our hometown, we have been inseparable ever since.

So, the jig's up: Muffin is actually Mike. And, in case you were wondering, Muffin...er, Mike and I have had many a candid conversation about my insecurities surrounding Pizza. (I've long since been assured that they were misplaced.)

You're looking at me strangely, I can tell. You're giving me the crazy eye as you wonder: What does any of this have to do with Intuitive Eating?

Well, if there's anything I've learned since freshman year, it's that neither Mike nor Pizza deserves the blame for my problems. That responsibility falls on my shoulders, and mine alone. The fact of the matter was, if I had never had an emotional reason to eat, or not to eat, I never would have spiraled out of control. I never would have fallen into that cycle of eat-repent-repeat that kept me dieting, out of pure self-hatred, even after I'd realized that the countless rules - no sugar, no carbs, nothing out of a package - were never going to work. In fact, it wasn't even my fault I couldn't stay on track: it was the diet's. 

The fact of the matter is that humans are omnivores. If God (or whoever/whatever you believe in) hadn't intended for us to eat certain food groups, those foods would make us sick, the way that poisonous mushrooms and rotten fish do. There's a reason why, as soon as we cut out carbs or dairy or sugar, our body suddenly craves those foods so much: our bodies were simply made to eat everything. That's why fighting the body's natural wants and needs is so counter-intuitive to a healthy lifestyle. 

There are two cornerstones to any diet plan: what and how much. Diets teach us what not to eat and how not to be hungry. But, as we are all born knowing, our bodies tell us we are hungry because we need food, any food - and as I said before, our bodies often craves particular foods because it wants something out of them, like a particular vitamin or nutrient. Clearly, the foundations of dieting contradict human nature - but that is where intuitive eating swoops in to save the day!

Intuitive eating is the polar opposite of dieting. It is natural, healthy, and nourishing, rather than uncomfortable, unhappy, and depriving. And, the best part is that there are no arbitrary rules! You know the ones I'm talking about: ones like "Eat six small meals a day," "Drink a glass of hot lemon water before every meal," or "Only eat raw foods." The only rules are the ones you create for yourself. When you eat intuitively, everything that goes into your body is your choice: a deliberate, mindful choice that lets you set your own intentions, so that you eat only what you need/want and only as much as you need/want. 

Basically, intuitive eating can be whatever you need and/or want it to be; unlike a diet, whose rules you live to serve, intuitive eating's only function is to serve YOU. You can eat whatever you want, when you want, as long as you can close your eyes, tune into your body, and reaffirm that this food, this much, this time, is what is best for it. But, as long as I'm being honest here, the one thing that intuitive eating is not, is easy. 

I've already established that humans are born eating intuitively, and that diets are contradictory to human nature. But what about when you are like I was - when you have been restricting and binging for so long now that you've simply forgotten how to eat "normally" again? 

I'll be the first to admit it: even now, the concept of intuitive eating is uncomfortable, even scary at times. When you've successfully re-hardwired your brain to believe that it should only be eating certain foods, in certain quantities, at certain times of day, breaking those rules can send your mind into overdrive. Even today, I struggled not to feel guilty when, after listening to my body's cravings, I ended up eating chocolate chip pancakes, half a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and a brownie from Starbucks, all in a matter of hours (no excuse necessary, although I was PMSing). But, in the end, that's the most beautiful part of intuitive eating: it isn't just another rule to follow; it's a lifestyle, which allows you to eat and move on to bigger and better things, without feeling like you're "forgiving yourself" or "starting over." So if you want to eat chocolate chip pancakes, brownies, and ice cream all in one day, to heck with it - go right ahead! The only person who's stopping you, is you. 

After all, pancakes and brownies and ice cream aren't inherently bad (in fact, they're inherently awesome). If that's how you feel about them, that's because YOU made them that way - and, just as you taught yourself that those foods were "bad," you can teach yourself that they are, like any other foods, "okay." Eventually, they may even become more than "okay" - they'll be rich, or delectable, or maybe even downright disgusting. But you'll be able to focus on the tastes and the feelings, rather than the calories and the carbs.

And, speaking of tastes and feelings, all of mine this week were perfectly encapsulated in the delicious recipe I am about to share with you. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for - my scrumptious pumpkin spice chocolate chip pancakes await you! 

These pancakes have the unique quality of being both light and fluffy, yet somehow rich and moist at the same time - like the airiest, most breakfast-y pumpkin pie you've ever tasted! The chocolate chips are just the extra spoonful of lovin' every recipe needs. (If you're not a chocolate-eater, you could just as easily replace them with cacao nibs, pepitas, crushed walnuts, raisins - or simply leave them out. However, if you're not a chocolate eater, you may as well reevaluate your entire existence.)

Be prepared to spend a lot of time on this recipe, if only because pancake flipping can be a laborious process. I highly recommend making a morning of it with your siblings, your parents, your kids, or your significant other - extra points if you can get a pancake stuck to ceiling! (If you get in trouble, you can always blame it on me, the crazy internet girl - and besides, these pancakes are so good, your parents won't even care after they taste them.) 

And now, without further ado....

Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Pancakes

adapted from Sally's Baking Addiction

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 heaping tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

1/2 cup chocolate chips 

(Note: Hershey's Special Dark are highly recommended!)

3/4 cup canned pumpkin

1/4 cup dark brown sugar

1 egg

1 1/2 tbsp vegetable oil

3/4 cup milk

(Note: the original recipe stresses the importance of using whole or buttermilk, but all I had was 1% and they came out just fine!)

Butter or nonstick spray, for cooking

1. In a large bowl, combine all the dry ingredients, except the chocolate chips. Then, in a second, smaller bowl, combine the wet ingredients. (Note: You may want to run the wet ingredients through the blender first, but hand-mixing will produce just as great results!) Create a well in the dry ingredients and empty the wet ingredients into the well. Mix the batter until just combined, being careful not to over-mix, but still to beat out any lumps that get in the way! Last but not least, stir in the chocolate chips (or whatever mix-ins your heart desires). 
2. Heat your frying pan over medium heat, coating the pan with butter or nonstick cooking spray to ensure that the batter doesn't stick. Pour about 1/4 cup of batter into the pan and turn the heat down to medium-low or low. Be patient with your pancakes, as they will be very thick and won't want to cook too fast (however, be wary of waiting too long, or your pancakes will burn). I find that the first pancake is always a bit of a trial-and-error! Your pancake will probably be cooked after 1-3 minutes, or when the edges are solid and little bubbles begin to form on its surface. Flip the pancake and cook another 1-2 minutes on the other side. 
3. Repeat the process until you run out of batter; you should get about 6-8 pancakes out of the mix. Be sure to cover the pan in another coat of butter or cooking spray between each pancake, and watch to make sure that any stray crumbs don't start to burn, as this can leave nasty black spots in the bottom of the pan that are a pain to wash out (this I know because my mother is always complaining about it). 
4. If you feel so inclined, top the finished pancakes with butter and/or maple syrup (preferably the real thing) before enjoying!

Old Habits Die Hard: 34 ways to rediscover "healthy"

Hello, Valentines!

I'd just like to preface this post by saying that I didn't plan this. I know that what I'm about to share with you today has nothing to do with love, books (side note: who's as excited about Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird sequel as I am?!?!), or...well, anything fun, really. But it's something I desperately need to talk about - not just for you guys, but for myself, too. And it's probably gonna be a long one.

I've tagged this post with a trigger warning because in it, I mention disordered eating and a lot of the unhealthy diet habits I used to follow.

Don't worry, though; this isn't about to become the Ominous Post of Doom! I just want to talk about something kind of serious. Again. (I'm sensing a trend emerging...)

One of the most difficult parts of readjusting to a healthy relationship with diet and exercise has been simply undoing the unhealthy habits & patterns of thought I created during my phase of disordered eating. As they say in the Disney movie Frozen, "The heart is not so easily changed, but the head can be persuaded." No matter how many times my head tells me that eating cupcakes and ice cream in the same day won't kill me, my heart is perpetually disgusted with myself. No matter how many times my head tells me that "fat is not a feeling," my heart continues to whisper that single, most detrimental word to me, over and over and over again: fat fat fat fat fat....

Now, I don't mean to say that head progress = no progress, because that simply isn't true. As every twelve step program on the planet would have you know, the first step to solving your problems is admitting you have a problem in the first place. But even so, it's all-too easy to downplay what you have accomplished when you're not seeing the results you want. I feel like I've progressed beyond the stage of mere acknowledgment of my problem - and I know I'm ten times stronger than I used to be - so whenever a bout of low self-esteem takes over, it hurts more than it ever did before. For the first time, I feel like I'm taking a step backwards, rather than planting myself ever more firmly in a position of weakness. It feels like regression, rather than a downward spiral.

On her blog, Gala Darling has the best post called Knowing It vs. Feeling It that sums me up perfectly: she writes "I know what it's like to intellectually know that what you're doing is unhealthy, and to know that theoretically, it could all be solved quite easily. But then you look in the mirror and break down in tears, because you can't stand how repugnant you are." Changing your thoughts truly has the power to change your life, but before you can change your thoughts, you must change the feelings that lie within your heart. That is why I will never call my transition to Intuitive Eating "easy" or "natural": because I had redefined "normal" to mean something so vastly different from the "normal" I was born with.

Source: Cannibal Coalition

I don't want to be the girl who won't miss a day in the gym, but still just yesterday, when my workout led to searing back pain, I kept going, following that old mantra of "just push through it." I don't want to be the girl who lets food consume her, yet the single decision to eat French fries over fruit still retains power over my entire mood.

Yet still I endure (even if I sometimes ask myself "Why?"). I have yet to throw in the towel and pick up my old life of calorie-counting, incessant weighing, and judging my self-worth by the size of my jeans. I still don't like what I see in the mirror, nine times out of ten, but I haven't given up yet - because there's a spark within me, the tiniest glimmer of hope that believes that change is possible.  And there is undeniable power in that, power I want to share with you, because I think that we all deserve a little power in our lives.

Honestly, I do believe that change is possible, not just for me, but for anyone and everyone who wants it. However, wanting and believing are the two most active ingredients in this recipe. They are the yeast that makes the dough of self-love rise, to get all prophetic and dramatic for a moment. Sadly, they can also be two of the largest hurdles to surmount, as they involve convincing the heart in addition to the mind. But, as I learned from Frozen, it is not impossible! Difficult, yes, but never impossible.

In order to share a little of the power I've discovered & motivate myself and you to take the next step toward recovery, I invite you to join me in the following exercise - so pull out a journal, a notebook, a planner, or some blank sheets of paper and get ready to write!

We're going to make two lists. (Just a disclaimer: I partly stole this idea from Michelle May's book Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat.) The first list is going to be titled "Old Habits." In it, you'll list every arbitrary health, diet, or exercise "rule" you once followed (or are currently following). That's right, list every single one: if you aren't being completely honest with yourself, then neither your mind nor your heart will be convinced that it's time to make a change.

The second list is going to be called "New Habits." In this list, we'll match every "Old Habit" with a new-and-improved, healthier tradition, designed to suit the person you're dedicated to becoming, not the person you used to be.

So let's take a few minutes to sit down, preferably in a quiet, solitary place, and think about what we really want for ourselves. Confront all those old "demons" just long enough to have peace, but don't let them linger: kiss the old you goodbye. When we regroup, I'll share my two lists with you for some inspiration/motivation.

What are you waiting for? Ready, set, GO!!!

Source: Know Your Meme

Hello again, darlings! 

As promised, here I am to share my lists with you. Disclaimer: I am not a certified health professional of any sort; my ideas are simply ideas. I have also personalized them to my own needs - whatever works for me, may not work for you (and that's okay!). 

As for the "Old Habits," this isn't meant to be a Post of Shame for those of you who may still be following some of these diet rules. If dieting serves you - if it makes you feel happy and healthy - then who the heck cares what I think?! These habits did not work for me personally; they only served to exacerbate my root problems of low self-esteem and poor body image. But, if it works for you, to each their own. I approached this with the best of intentions - I seek only to guide and inspire you! 

Now, without further ado...

Old Habits

1. "Eat every two to four hours."
2. "Consume between 1500-1700 calories a day." 
3. "Write down everything you eat." 
4. "No white carbs."
5. "No added sugars."
6. "Only eat natural sugars."
7. "Run once a week."
8. "Perform at least 20 minutes of cardio a day."
9. "Never go a day without exercise."
10. "Weigh yourself once a week."
11. "Make pancakes with protein powder to cut calories."
12. "Add greens to smoothies." This is a totally viable habit - if you don't find it disgusting, the way I did. I just did it for number I saw on the scale. 
13. "Try on your prom dress once a week to make sure it still fits."
14. "Do a juice cleanse the week of prom."
15. "Drink a glass of warm lemon water every day upon rising."
16. "Eat only nonfat dairy."
17. "Eat only full-fat dairy."
18. "Eat as little dairy as possible."
19. "Eat protein at every meal."
20. "Plan all your meals and workouts in advance."
21. "Starve yourself to make up for what you just ate."
22. "Eat only whole, unprocessed foods."
23. "Only cook in olive oil."
24. "Eat no 'junk food.'" What is "don't eat junk food" even supposed to mean? "Don't eat scraps of metal you found at the dump"?
25. "No fruit after 2 PM."
26. "Use Fitness Pal to track all your calories, burned and eaten."
27. "Eat clean." Again, what is this supposed to mean?!? "Shampoo and condition your food before eating"?
28. "Never skip breakfast."
29. "Eat several small meals a day instead of three large ones."
30. "Eat nothing from a package."
31. "Eat nothing with more than three ingredients."
32. "You must do 'cleanses' to detox your body." Because apparently, having a liver isn't good enough.
33. "Whatever you do, when exercising, just push through it. Pain is a sign of weakness."
34. "Measure your waistline to ensure a healthy amount of body fat." To me this meant "to make sure YOU aren't fat."

New Habits

1. Redefine "exercise." I encourage each and every one of you to do this - or to adopt my new definition (see the header) by pinning it, tweeting it, or instagramming it! Seeing exercise as a positive tool to make you happier and healthier, rather than "skinnier," has been crucial to me in my recovery. I also encourage you to expand your definition to include workouts for your mind and spirit as well, such as reading, meditation, and/or prayer. To become a truly healthy person, you must nourish all aspects of your health, including your mental and spiritual health. 
2. Eat the rainbow. My goal is to eat or drink a food in every color of the rainbow every day! Red tomatoes, orange carrots, yellow corn, green spinach, blue blueberries, and purple Naked juice are just a few of my favorites. 
3. Identify and avoid your triggers. For me, trying on my prom dress and weighing myself are my two worst triggers. And I admit it: I still buy into them. Maybe ten minutes ago, I thought to myself "I need to try on my prom dress" and when I couldn't zip it up, I ran to the scale. But dresses can always be altered and the numbers always lie. You don't have to settle for clothes that don't fit you or make yourself a slave to your weight. Our self-worth is never determined by the shape or size of our body!
4. Journal your feelings. Oftentimes, we push back our emotions and turn to "comfort foods" like mac and cheese or ice cream when we don't want to confront them - or worse, replace those feelings of insecurity or sadness with the words "I feel fat". I love a steamy bowl of mac and cheese as much as the next girl, but I also know that when I want something creamy, it's usually because I'm running away from something else. Writing down all your problems, stream-of-consciousness style, really does help. A journal is especially great for people like me, who don't always feel comfortable talking about their feelings; after all, journals are a lot less judgmental and a lot more quiet than real-life people! :)
5. Practice forgiveness on a daily basis. After consuming what feels like *thousands* of calories, being hungry just seems like an anomaly, even a sin. I always want to fight it by skipping meals or exercising, to "repent" for everything I just ate, but take it from me: skipping meals when you're hungry will only leave you feeling miserable in the end. No matter how often you need to do so, practice forgiving yourself and moving on. Think to yourself "Tomorrow will be better." For me, praying and reading the Bible helps with that. Knowing that God can forgive me, even when I can't forgive myself, is sometimes all I need to keep me going. It's the smallest things in life that make the greatest difference.
6. Set goals that have nothing to do with your body. Give yourself something productive to focus on besides weight-loss. I try to set between 5-10 small, measurable goals each week and write them in my planner every Sunday - often, they're as tiny and silly as "wear a bright lipstick" or "finish a book," but they make me feel like a happier, more fulfilled person. Showing yourself all that your powerful creative energy can do when it's not so focused on your body image can help a lot with low self-esteem (take it from someone who knows!)."Volunteer once a month", "start a blog", "keep an art journal for a month", or "find new ways to show my S.O. I love xir" are a few of my favorite long-term ideas.
7. Start a Radical Self Love Bible, a la Gala Darling. I know I've already referenced this blog once in this post, but I can't help it - I love her. Total girl crush moment. Anyways, Gala Darling has essentially started a whole movement around self-love and acceptance/body peace called "Radical Self Love." She recommends keeping a sort of art journal throughout your self-love journey, called a "Radical Self Love Bible," which you can refer back to when you need a little reminder of how wonderful you are! (And trust me: you are all wonderful.) Click here to learn more about your Radical Self Love Bible! (I'll also include more links about Radical Self Love at the bottom of this post for all who are interested.)
8. Aim to move every day. This kind of goes along with "redefine exercise", but pff, whatever. This is important, too. "Moving" could mean anything from jogging five miles, to doing a single hand-stand, to crawling from your bedroom to the kitchen fridge - whatever you like to do most, do it! I feel it's important to adopt an "anything goes" mentality. Any time you're being less than sedentary, you're doing something "extra", at least as far as your body is concerned. Don't think that you have to complete ten rounds of Insanity or lift 300+ pounds for exercise to "count." Everything should count!
9. Listen to your body. Our bodies are amazing, intricate machines capable of sending us any number of innumerable signals. It's absolutely crucial that we tune into those signals not only to lead healthy lifestyles, but to avoid injury, sickness, or even simply making a poor life decision. When your body is screaming "stop," it's not the right time to push yourself harder - it's time to slow down. When your tummy knows it doesn't want that last bite, really consider it before you just pop it into your mouth. When your head and heart are screaming "No", don't go through with It, whatever It may be! Trust your intuition - it was given to us for a reason. The more you practice listening to your body, the more you will love said body and appreciate all the incredible things it can do.
10. Put in a little extra effort every day! Naturally, "effort" means something different to all of us - and no one's definition is wrong. That little something extra could be anything from washing your face, to spritzing perfume, to planning your outfits in advance...basically, whatever it takes to make you feel beautiful, do it. Every day. No excuses! 
11. Go media-free, at least for a little while. When I first realized I had a problem, the first thing I did was delete Twitter and Instagram because I often found myself comparing my pictures to other girls', wondering why theirs had gotten twenty 'likes', while I'd only gotten two. I realized that this instrument, while it was created to connect me with others and make me feel good, only made me feel alienated and negative. Social media, at that point in my life, was a poisonous influence...yet today, now that I have this blog, I've been able to utilize it in a positive way again! I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to rush to delete Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, everything right this second. Just practice getting back to your caveman roots - you know, when the Internet didn't exist - for thirty minutes, an hour, days, forever. How long isn't what matters; it's what you choose to do with that time you would have spent on Pinterest that does! 
12. Get some zzzs... Have you heard? Insufficient sleep is the newest public health epidemic! Sleep deprivation is obviously bad, for obvious reasons, but most of us are probably extremely unlikely to turn to sleep as the solution to all of our problems. As someone who's prone to long, exhausting emotional breakdowns, I'm here to remind you: sleep is your friend! Everything always looks brighter in the morning, trust me.
13. Inspire yourself. Ideas include watching TED talks and inspirational YouTube videos (I like to mute my workouts while I listen to inspiring interviews), following a guided meditation, creating a Pinterest board, crafting an inspiration dream board or collage, keeping an ideas journal, and reading as many books as possible! 
14. Identify your role models. Lena Dunham for her individuality and eff the patriarchy attitude (Side note: who else is sick of people asking why she's naked all the time? Um, Sir Interviewer: when you're at home, how often do you wear clothes?!). Taylor Swift for her gracious personality, Southern charm, and flawless sense of style. Audrey Hepburn for her classic sense of style and her loving, giving heart; not a soul who met her ever had an unkind word to say about her. And, of course, Beyonce, because she's Queen Bey. Those are just a few of mine. They don't have to become yours, but having any sort of "guide" to turn to in your time of need can make the road ahead seem a lot less scary. (When in doubt, I always ask myself: What would Audrey Hepburn do?)
15. Meditate every day. A word for beginners: meditation is always harder than you think it's going to be. If you're anything like me, clearing your constantly-humming mind is a daunting, near-impossible task. But it can be done - and it will be done, as soon as you try meditation! If you missed my tweet about it, the Honest Guys' 10-minute Positive Body Image Meditation is a godsend. 
16. Eat the forbidden fruit. Flip back to your "Old Habits" list for a moment. Are there any foods you barred yourself from eating that really, really make your mouth water? For a "no added sugar" girl, it could be Chips Ahoy. For a "no white carbs" girl, it could be your grandma's homemade ravioli. Whatever it is, EAT IT. Go ahead - I dare you. Treat it like an experiment, "just to see what happens"...the more you see the complete and utter lack of nothing that results ("Wait, the world won't explode if I eat this cupcake?!" No, it won't!), the more you'll dare to break those rules, one by one. 
17. Volunteer your time. Organizations like animal shelters and food pantries are always looking for volunteers - always. Not only will they be happy to have you, but you'll be happy to have them: volunteering instills a sense of purpose. Remembering that you are here to do more than fret about your thighs, that there are bigger problems in the world than the size of your butt, is a refreshing and necessary part of recovery.
18. Relax. Modern-day life always has this sense of urgency about it, especially here on the east coast. The times that our lives seem nonstop, just "go go go", are the times we need relaxation the most. Stress can take years from our lives. So, draw a hot bubble bath, light a few candles, and play a soundtrack of the ocean waves or some zen music. As soon as your muscles melt in the water, you'll wonder why you've never tried this before! 
19. Do a work out for your brain. I know, I know - this sounds like something your third-grade teacher would have said. But I mean it! Your brain is a vital muscle, so don't be afraid to pump some iron: read a nonfiction book, watch the news, do a crossword puzzle, or invest in a word-of-the-day calendar. When you can feel your brain getting stronger, you know that you're getting stronger, too - and after all, it's from our hearts and minds that we should be drawing our self-worth, not our bodies. 
20. Switch to decaf. Disclaimer: I'm not giving you yet another "diet rule" to follow here. This goal is personal to me. I love Starbucks as much as the next girl, but I have an extremely sensitive reaction to caffeine - yet no matter how much I shake or how many chest pains I feel, I can't seem to give up my iced lattes! Switching to decaf is what's right for my body. If it's right for yours, too, then go ahead and make the switch with me! Who knows? Maybe we'll even do some kind of "21-day caffeine-free challenge"....hmm :)
21. Filter your feed. To this day, it still blows my mind how many magazines, websites, and social media accounts are devoted solely to "thinspo" and "fitness." At first, I didn't realize how much it affected me - I used to make excuses like "Oh, I'm just following them to get workout ideas and recipes, whatever" - but once I read the idea on Lauren Fowler's blog through her free "Break Up With Diets" challenge, I knew it was time to hit "un-follow." Unfollowing all those old diet accounts has also helped me understand what I'm really interested in - now, I pin fashion, recipes, and party DIYs! Those things are my passions and hobbies, not starvation and deprivation.
22. Write a personal mission statement. You could also call this a manifesto, a promise or a pledge, a devotional, or a mantra. Make it a few words or a few pages. State your hopes, dreams, goals, purposes, reasons why, anything, everything. Decide what you are going to do with your time and energy now that you are no longer a dieter, or enjoy the simple freedom of not knowing what's next. If you're a Radical Self-Love Bible-r, you might want to tape your mission statement to the inside cover - or, hang it in another prominent place where you will see it & be reminded of your mission! (Oh, and FYI: comment below if you want me to post my personal mission statement & a "how to write one"!)
23. Get yogi with it. See what I did there? Ha ha ha...okay, so I'm not as funny as I think I am. But I still mean what I say. Yoga is one of my favorite forms of exercise because it emphasizes my belief that "exercise" is not just about the body, but about the mind and spirit as well. Also, I just adore the way you don't just do yoga; you practice it! That one little word holds a lot of big lessons for all of us. If you're looking to start a solid practice, check out my favorite YouTube yogi, Adriene, here.
24. Reward yourself. Don't blow your budget, now - but a few sweet treats here and there never did a girl any harm. When you're having a bad day and need a little extra self-lovin', or simply feel that you deserve a pat on the back, don't wait for someone else to supply the rewards: hop in the car and go get yo' nails did, pick out a new perfume, treat yourself to some cute new lingerie, or get a massage (God only knows I could use one of those!). Whatever you've done this week, you've earned it! 
25. Take a multivitamin. Now, I'm not an MD - I cringe at the sight of blood - so you might want to check with your doctor before taking any supplements. But, a multivitamin is a good idea for everybody - particularly women, who are constantly losing iron during their periods & who need to start stocking up on the necessary nutrients for pregnancy years before they plan on having a baby. Dr. Michelle May advises that you look for one with at least 100% of your daily value of everything. Also, make sure the vitamins you're taking are right for you: I take the One a Day Chocolate Brownie Vita-Craves because they are gelatin-free (and therefore vegetarian!), and due to my small size, only take half the recommended dosage. 
26. Check your posture. Of all the ballerinas I know, my posture must be the worst! I have a lot of back and shoulder issues - and most of them, I'm sure, have to do with my poor posture. As I'm sure we've all heard, at least from our ninth-grade gym teachers, posture is extremely important to overall good health. So let's all make a pact to improve our moves, shall we? I love Lauren Conrad's Fit Tip to try sitting on a yoga ball at work. My mom and grandma are also constantly telling me not to spend so much time sitting on my bed; it provides poor back support. Finally, keeping electronics like phones and laptops at eye level can help prevent the Hunchback of Notre Dame thing we've all got going on here. For more tips and tricks, simply search "posture" on Pinterest; there are literally thousands of exercises and infographics posted for the sole purpose of bettering your back.
27. Cook (& eat!) with your soul. In this day and age, let's face it: no one, and I mean no one (well, except maybe Beyonce), has ever gone a lifetime without eating fast food or frozen dinners on a weeknight. No one. But, when you have time to cook, take advantage of it instead of tiredly flopping down on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn for dinner (I mean, come on, who hasn't done that?). I truly believe that cooking from scratch isn't just good for the body; it's good for the soul. After all, nearly every culture attaches warm feelings to home-cooked meals. The concept of "comfort food" had to come from somewhere. The more often you cook, the more special all of your meals will seem - and the more your body will absorb the love you put into your food.
28. Surround yourself with beautiful things. Freshly-cut flowers. Clean and orderly living spaces. Pastel pinks and mint greens. Shiny nude pumps. Cupcakes that (almost) look too pretty to eat. In my opinion, these are some of the most beautiful things life has to offer. Identify what those things are for you and put as many of them into your life as possible, as often as possible. 
29. Family comes first. Your family is there for you, literally, when no one else is. Whether you consider this a blessing or a curse, let's face it: they have to love and forgive you when you cannot even love and forgive yourself. Healing times like these are when you need your family the most, so don't cut yourself off: take the time to call home from college, take the kids to visit, or (my fellow teenagers) instead of staying holed up in your room, descend the staircase and simply enjoy the company of others'. Thanks to your family, you are never alone. Take advantage of that.
30. Never miss an opportunity to say "I love you." I think people underestimate just how important their personal relationships are to their health. You never want the one day you didn't say it to be that person's last. When you die, you never want to be the person who wishes they said it more. Always answer with "I love you, too" - never just nod, go "uh-huh," or worst of all, say "I know." Take nothing for granted. You don't want to be the person who doesn't know a good thing 'til it's gone.
31. Practice gratitude daily. One of my goals this week was to start writing down ten things I feel grateful for at the end of every day. To my surprise, I found that it was harder to limit myself to ten than it was to think of "ten whole things"! Once you start writing down everything you're grateful for, you start to realize just how much you have. Remember: you are a lucky person. Chances are, if you're reading this, you live in a developed country, with a decent-sized income, food on the table, and a loving family. Cherish that. God could have made your life so much harder than it is right now.
32. Dance. Barefoot. As often as possible. Preferably, in the rain. (If it's too cold for rain where you're at - fellow New Englanders, can I get a "hey-ho"? - then bundle up: the snow will do...and there's been plenty of that.) I might be a little biased, considering I'm a ballerina and a competitive dancer, but I think dancing is the best way to feel happy and free. So stop caring what everyone else thinks. You know the cliche: dance like no one is watching! 
33. Drink hot tea. And lots of it! Tea is full of antioxidants (especially green tea), which protect against diseases like cancer and overall strengthen your immune system. Not to mention, a hot cup of tea is like liquid relaxation, or a hug-in-a-mug: you can practically feel your muscles relaxing, your stress and tension melting away, with every sip. 
34. Last but not least, soul-search. Pray. Meditate. Read faith-based literature or attend religious services - any religious service. Open your heart to the Universe. Constantly ask questions - especially "Why?" - and never settle for anything less than answers. Why am I eating so fast? Eating is boring; I just want to get it over with. Why am I bored? I'm eating alone; I'm not hungry anymore. Asking yourself "Why?" is truly the first and most important step on the long and windy road to recovery. 

Anyways, that was my own little ED healing exercise - I hope it helped you as much as it helped me! Here's to starting over with a clean slate this February, so that by Valentine's Day we can love ourselves just as much as we love our significant others, be they men, women, furry friends, or fictional characters. 

XOXO, Haley.

P.S. As promised, here are some more links about Gala Darling's Radical Self Love:

Radical Self Love TED Talk

Getting Started With Radical Self Love

Your Radical Self Love Bible

Radical Self Love Homework Assignments

Radical Self Love Questions

Pretty in Pink: three rosy looks for every kind of Valentine!

Ah, Valentine's Day: whether you're eagerly awaiting date night with your significant other or an evening spent cozied up in front of the telly with our good friends Ben & Jerry, there's no denying it - love is in the air! So why ruin this sweetest of sentiments by worrying about what you're going to wear?! Thankfully, I've already done all the hard work for you: now all you have to do is break out the piggy bank! (After all, you deserve a treat this February 14 - above anyone else, you have to love yourself.) See below for my complete guide to Valentine's style, whether Cupid's arrow has left you feeling fearless, frisky, or flirty.  

Look 1: The Bold & the Beautiful!

This look is for the girl who knows what (& who!) she wants this Valentine's Day, whether she's strutting her stuff in the bar or coolly, confidently walking in to meet her date at the grooviest restaurant in town. J'adore the ultra-mod dress from KENZO - its silhouette is flawless & it's the perfect shade to flatter almost every skin tone. Embrace your inner rebel by breaking an age-old style rule, pairing this hottest of pinks with bright red accents. Keep it sassy with electric accessories, killer platforms, & pin-up inspired make-up (this tutorial from The Beauty Department is perfectly on-point). For a more economic version of the pop-art clutch featured here, check out this Roy Lichtenstein-inspired piece from ASOS. I'm also loving Kate Spade's current line of phone cases, even if they are a little pricey...they give even the poorest of fashion bloggers (ahem, me) a level of chicness to aspire to. A highlight from the collection has become my new personal manifesto: "Eat cake for breakfast." Will do! (Maybe even on Valentine's Day...)

Look 2: The Life of the Party!

This sparkly ensemble is for those of you Single Ladies who don't plan on coming home this Valentine's Day - or, maybe you just want to treat yourself to a luxe look to wear around the house for girls' night. Either way, the juxtaposition of the heavy sequins & fur (I beg of you: keep it faux!) and the floaty ballerina skirt looks straight from the pages of Vogue - not to toot my own horn, of course. I am nothing if not modest (ha ha ha). The high gladiator heels and abundance of bling keep the look playful, while the demure shade of pink adds a subtle note of sophistication. Take off the jacket, tone down your make-up, and swap the sky-high stilettos for a pair of bow-topped flats to take this look from night to day. Also, I'd like to take a moment of appreciation especially for the watch, another of Kate Spade's gorgeous gems - have I reached "obsessed" yet?! If you're craving more glitz & glamour, check out this skirt (only $38.00!) from Lulu's, or top off the above look with a twinkly gold eye like this one. 

Look 3: The Girl Next Door!

If your plans for Valentine's Day are a little more romantic and a little less high-maintenance, then this is the look for you! Even the price screams "casual chic"; if you're a size medium +, then you've still got a shot at snapping up this dress for just $15 a pop. (If jeans are more your style, check out this top from Forever 21 - preferably in the color blush - to get the same doe-eyed ingenue effect.) You may have noticed the dichotomy between the skimpy VS panties and the rest of the look - well, there's a reason why M'n'Ms are so popular: sometimes, chocolate is best served in a sweet candy-coating! ;) Make yourself even more irresistible with pillow-soft curls - I'd recommend a half-up, half-down style like Blake Lively's, pictured here. Your S.O. won't be able to resist running their fingers through your hair (and quite frankly, neither will you). As for the perfume, Prada Candy Florale is my scent of the moment, thanks to the fact that when I first tried it on, Mike kept smelling me the whole night long! Needless to say, I bought the full bottle - and now I swear by it. The stuff is magical. If you buy yourself one present this Valentine's Day, make it Prada (and don't fear the price tag - every cent is worth it!). 

BONUS: Lazy Girl Style!

This year, what with Mike away at college, I expect my Valentine's Day plans to consist almost entirely of laying on the couch watching Netflix and spooning cookie dough into my mouth at alarming rates (maybe a Skype date, too, although I'm sure he won't mind if I materialize in my PJs) - so, naturally, this guide would never be complete without some quality pairs of jammies! I've shared my three favorite picks for every personality; whether you're bold or shy, boyish or femme, I promise you won't be without your lazy day fix. 

Lazy Look 1: Satisfy Your Sweet Tooth

Source: Forever 21

I'm not sure which I love more: the cute cupcake motif or the cheeky "bon appetit" mantra on the top. I'm seriously considering buying myself a pair of these punchy PJs (at only $18.90, I'd be a fool not to), but that might be too dangerous: if I put them on, I might never take them off! Get yours from Forever 21 now.

Look 2: Subtly Sensual

Source: Victoria's Secret

Even if you're alone this Valentine's Day, there's no one better to dress up for than yourself - and with a nightie as cute as this one, you may actually find yourself wanting to! I'm rather dotty for this one myself (pun intended), but if this print just isn't your thing, it's also available in four more styles. Plus, with the right sweater and a warm pair of tights, this slip can totally do double-duty for daytime: it's right on-trend for more than just nap-time. Snag it at $49.50 from Victoria's Secret. 

Look 3: Talk Cutie to Me

Source: Nordstrom

Oh, Valentine's Day: could there possibly be a better time to lay all your cards on the table? These bold 'n' bright jammies are perfect for the no-fuss girl-next-door. Whether you're rocking them at girls' night or just wearing them to dance around to T-Swizzle in your dorm room, you've just gotta love the honesty (and comfort) of this boxer-tee duo. If these PJs have got you feeling like a "Hopeless Romantic," you can buy them from Nordstrom for $48.00.

---

If there's one thing all of these jammies are perfect for, it's chilling around the house and (what else?) baking cupcakes! And, who better to keep you company than your best gal pals? Single or not, I absolutely love, love, LOVE the idea of having a girls' night on Valentine's Day! Check out my Pinterest account (or stay tuned for my Single Ladies' Tea Party post) for more perfectly pink party ideas. 

Until then, have a happy Valentine's Day - and keep the lovin' comin'! 

XOXO, Haley.

Holden & I: announcing the three-part series!

When my English teacher announced that we were about to begin reading the Catcher in the Rye, an overwhelming sense of dread washed over me from head-to-toe. Unlike the majority of my peers, I had already read Catcher in the Rye the summer before my sophomore year of high school, and the truth was, I hated that book: a combination of circumstances (I fervently believe that there's a wrong time for everything) and the common complaint that "nothing happens." For a brief while, I even hated myself for hating the book. At the time (and even still), popular culture practically worshiped the Catcher in the Rye and all that Holden and his red hunting hat stood for. The effects of groupthink had me convinced I was a Bad Literary. After all, if I didn't like "the Great American novel", how was I ever supposed to become a high-brow lady of taste?

Now, of course, the answer seems simple: I, Haley, was a phony. I was reading the Catcher in the Rye for all the wrong reasons. The image of me reading Catcher on the beach in Cape Cod still strikes me as one of discord - it is not a book to be read on vacation, when the mind is idle and the sun is hot. But I didn't know that then, of course, when as an immature fifteen-year-old, my supposedly-sophisticated taste in "the classics" took over my good sense. (I now realize that summer is a time best reserved for the Meg Cabots and Stephanie Meyers of the world, not the J.D. Salingers.)

Admittedly, there is a Holden-esque hypocrisy taking place before your very eyes. I say I hated Catcher in the Rye, yet on my about page, I list it as one of my favorite books. So, you're probably wondering, what the Bronte happened?!? (Side note: thanks to John Green for my new favorite pseudo-swear!)

And I'll tell you: it all comes down to two simple truths. One, I grew up.  And, two, this time, I thought about it.

To be frank, I did not go into reading Catcher in the Rye with particularly high expectations. However, I was given the tiniest glimmer of hope - a preternatural sign, perhaps, that this time would not be like the last - when I sat down in class and my English teacher announced, "We're going to do something forbidden. We're going to write in our books."

Naturally, those words aroused the kind of excitement in me that can only be described in the following terms: imagine that you are quite young, maybe nine or ten years of age, and it's April Fools' Day, and you're plotting with your little brother to squirt chocolate sauce all over the windows of your daddy's car. You're devilishly wiggling your fingers, practicing your most innocent smile, and basking in the sheer brilliance of your utterly conniving scheme - and the best part is, the babysitter is completely in on it.

I'm not speaking from experience, of course - that would be absurd....

...but if it were to have happened to me, then that's the feeling I would liken this to. :)

And, oh, does it feel good to be bad! (Holden would probably agree - as you probably know, straying from the norm is sort of his specialty.) That day in class set the tone for what ultimately became one of the most joyful and profound reading experiences of my life. I'm not kidding.

Like so many great novels (and very few popular ones), the Catcher in the Rye is a book about language, not a book about Stuff. It's a book that has a lot to offer - if one only knows where to look.

Most of you will probably think I'm crazy for this, but to be honest, I was glad that I read Catcher in school, rather than on my own. I never would have come to fully appreciate its sensitivity and craftsmanship without a hand (or twenty) to hold along the way. As they say, "it takes a village" - and Catcher in the Rye is the kind of book that takes a classroom to comprehend. I just can't believe that Salinger planted all of these symbols and cues and intentionally, as I simply cannot fathom all of these abstract ideas neatly compressed inside one man's brain. It's a wonder Salinger didn't end up in a mental institution himself.

Holden may be an exaggeration of a teenager, constantly whining and complaining, his voice dripping with sarcasm all day every day. He may be literally driven mad by the injustice and discomfort of the adult world, while most of us are only figuratively so - but despite all of this, he is still a tangible, relate-able character for many teens, myself included. Eerily, his voice oftentimes merged with my own as I was reading; at times, he so perfectly captured my thoughts that I could hardly distinguish between what was him and what was me. 

Holden, caught in the narrow gap between childhood and adulthood, has a hard time accepting the fact that no matter what he does, he will inevitably have to grow up and go on. As a teenage girl who has experienced the awkwardness of graduating from the kids' table to the adults' table at Thanksgiving, yet never has anything to contribute to the endless talk of money and marriage, I can testify just as well as Holden: growing up is painful. It is often easier to turn a blind eye to it, and ship ourselves off to Neverland with Peter, than it is to acknowledge the cruelty of the great big grown-up world that awaits us. 

But, as Mr. Antolini reminds Holden, “Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now...you’ll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you.” It seems to me that Salinger wants us to know that this is the point of it all - that we don’t do it for the money or for the cars, but for the legacy we leave behind. As a teenager facing the overwhelmingly scary prospect of growing up, it’s a comforting thought, one I think all teenagers would be heartened to read. That's why teenagers need Holden: to remind them that they aren’t alone.

Like Holden, I think we all have those moments when we wonder, what's the point of it all - and, especially, what are we working for? Do we wake up at 6:00 AM every morning just so we can become wealthy, well-liked members of society - or can we aspire to more than just buying Cadillacs with big, fat paychecks and sleeping with our spouses against the background of some phony movie? Holden recognizes that the obsession with obtaining the “American Dream” - which requires money, prestige, and conformation to societal norms - starts as early as high school. The pressure to conform can be devastatingly oppressive. 

The theme of acceptance is constantly echoed throughout American Literature, from the Great Gatsby to Death of a Salesman to Catcher, as well as in the halls of each and every secondary school in the country - proving just how dog-eat-dog our society truly is. It is a timeless theme that needs to be expressed in writing, or else we may never truly understand the most important question of all: why? Why are we here? Surely we measly teenagers haven't got the foggiest. Dare I say it, most adults probably haven’t even figured out what their “purpose” in life is. Stories such as the Catcher in the Rye are important because they remind us that we all struggle with such existentialist questions, and help us to make sense of the ominous adult world that looms before us.

Through Catcher in the Rye, I was able to rediscover my second true love: the Outcast. You know the guy: the one who sits alone at lunch, goes on long, meditative walks by himself, or swings the peak of his red hunting hat to face the back, the way he likes it. Humans, as natural pack rats, tend to instinctively pity and empathize with these types of characters. Honestly, I'm no exception - I know I'm not - and I feel my heartstrings wrenched just as much by Holden as by the likes of Ponyboy Curtis, Neville Longbottom, or Frankenstein's monster. 

The other aspect of Catcher in the Rye that appealed to me was, of course, the social commentary. I just can't resist a nice, juicy controversy, as anyone who knows me will attest - I'd like to think that I'm the girl who opens her mouth and lights a fire in the room (or, sometimes, awkwardly sets the crickets a-chirping, such as when I suggested my friend take birth control pills in front of her conservative mother...oops). Catcher in the Rye is full of witty observances about American society - yet behind each of Holden's famously snarky complaints lies a deeper truth, each of which must be individually explored in order to fully grasp the complexity of the work.

I had fully intended on compressing my analysis of Holden into a single, long master post - a scholarly and educated thesis about Holden's unhealthy sexuality, his peculiar brand of feminism, and what it all says about Salinger and American society in general. I thought it would be a kind of magnum opus that I could turn into colleges (and perhaps to my English teacher - is that extra credit I smell? Just kidding, Ms. G!) as snooty, pretentious proof that I, Haley, am a well-learned and precocious young academic. But, alas, I just couldn't do it - not even for BU. It would be capital-I Impossible. It really would.

I assume the Universe is trying to tell me to be less of a phony, to care less what people think and embrace my inner Holden Caulfield. So, I'm going to take the Universe's advice and put on my red hunting hat, cuddle up with some herbal tea, and enjoy my time spent with Holden and Salinger...and, lucky for you guys, "taking my time" means not one, not two, but three posts entirely dedicated to Holden, Salinger, and the infamous Catcher in the Rye! In my brand-new, three-part series "Holden & I," I'll explore the social context and deeper implications of Holden's relationships with his sexuality, women, and, of course, his Almighty Creator, the talented yet troubled J.D. Salinger. Below, I'll be linking you with each of the posts as they go live - so bookmark this page and stay tuned for our next three encounters with young Master Caulfield!

Holden & Sexuality

Holden & Feminism

Holden & Salinger 

As you can see, Holden and my man J.D. are going to be front and center here at the Chick Lit Kitchen for the next few weeks, so if you're not a fan of Catcher in the Rye, I highly recommend that you follow the subsequent advice: pick up a copy from your local used bookstore, grab your best ballpoint pen, and do as I did - Grow Up and Think! They say you have to try something seven times before you truly know if you like it. Whether this is your first, third, or seventh time reading Catcher, I truly believe that everybody has something to be gleaned from it. 

If there's anything I've learned from writing this post, it's that you should never tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

XOXO, Haley.

Spring Style Concept + a Special Announcement!

Hello, darlings - and welcome back from my brief hiatus! It's occurred to me we haven't seen each other since last Saturday's quiz (comment below if you enjoyed it + want more quizzes here at the Chick Lit Kitchen!), so I thought I'd pop in and make a brief post before the weekend rolls around.

Today I'm going to share with you my most recent style cravings, a little concept I'm calling Garden Party Goddess: it's equal parts Daisy Buchanan (we've just finished reading the Great Gatsby - post-worthy or no? Comment and let me know!), Audrey Hepburn, and 1950s housewife, a la Bryce Dallas Howard in the Help...oh, and speaking of which, check out these epic costume sketches!

But, let's get back to Audrey for a moment...the moment you've all been waiting for, in fact! A few of my more loyal readers may remember the Thirty Day Challenge I've been promising for weeks now, and tonight is the night! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce the arrival of the ever-so-exciting Thirty Day Live Like Audrey Challenge, coming to you every day for thirty days beginning Friday, March 20th. Live Like Audrey was, of course, inspired by my idol, the late great Audrey Hepburn - but also by the books What Would Audrey Do? by Pamela Keogh and the Little Pink Book of Elegance. 


Beginning next Friday, you'll receive a daily challenge designed to help you exude the grace, class, and kindheartedness for which Audrey Hepburn was so famous. The challenges will come in three categories - Look, Live, & Love - so you'll get ten from each over the course of our thirty days together! Some of the challenges will appear here on the blog per usual, but others will be exclusively found on my Twitter and Instagram accounts, so be sure to follow me to get your full dosage of Audrey.

Live Like Audrey isn't about trying to be Audrey Hepburn, or even to emulate her, really - after all, that wouldn't be very Audrey of us, now would it? Audrey never would have tried to be anyone but herself. Rather, what this challenge is about is returning to the times of Jackie and Marilyn, acting like a (modern!) lady in the 21st century.

If you have ever felt like...

• A time-traveling 1950s housewife
• A displaced Frenchwoman
• Or an Audrey in a Katherine world

Then Live Like Audrey is certainly right for you!

So, start following the hashtag #LiveLikeAudrey on Instagram and Twitter (and be sure to share your challenges along the way!). Now, without further ado...

How to Be a Garden Party Goddess:

Sip tea in white gloves ~ Visit used bookstores in your fanciest dress ~ Always say please and thank you ~ Write love letters on embossed note cards ~ Wrap your lingerie in tissue paper ~ Pair oversized sunglasses with teacup Keds ~ Accessorize simply, preferably with Tiffany ~ Wear eau de toilette, not body spray ~ When in doubt, choose pearls ~ Travel with hatboxes and hard luggage ~ Tie a silk scarf to the handle of your tote bag ~ Greet people by kissing them on both cheeks ~ Lounge around the house in your pink satin kimono, nothing else ~ Practice skin care religiously ~ Eat bonbons and truffles filled with caramel and raspberry creme ~ Never forget where you came from, or your smile

Until Sassy Saturday, mis amis!  XOXO, Haley

Happy Valentineve! What you should be cooking tomorrow night....

Hello, lovebirds! 

Valentine's Day is (obviously) drawing nearer - approximately two hours and twenty minutes to go here in Boston, until the air is filled with love and tiny cartoon hearts begin to appear in all of our eyes! Woohoo! 

Personally, I couldn't be more excited. Despite what they all say about Valentine's Day becoming a commercialized "Hallmark Holiday," I can't help but love any holiday that makes wearing pink and red from head-to-toe a socially-acceptable feat. While I don't think we should reserve any day in particular for love - every day should be Valentine's Day when it comes to showing our loved ones how much we care! - je t'aime the romanticism of it all: the flowers, the chocolates, the cheesy proposals on the floors of restaurants. What's not to love about Valentine's Day?

As for those of you celebrating Singles Awareness Day, my advice to you is to STOP! You're only hurting yourself by accepting such a narrow-minded definition of love this Valentine's Day - Valentine's Day is not just about the romantic kind of love! Your "Valentine" need not be a Christian Grey or an Edward Cullen (Side note: would admitting I'm Team Jacob be considered an inflammatory statement?); you need not be hyper-aware of your singleness just because it's February 14th. For happiness on Valentine's Day - heck, for happiness 365 days a year - I strongly advise that you worry less about Mr. Right and pay more attention to the people in your life who will always be Right: your friends, your family, and, most of all, yourself. After all, at the end of the day, the only person who needs to love you is you!

An update on my Single Ladies' Tea Party tomorrow: Let's just rip the Band-aid off, shall we? It's not happening :( Valentine's Day weekend also happens to coincide with the beginning of February break where I'm at, so most of the ladies are either gone (or, duh, spending time with their beaus). While I'm sad that all the time I spent making those quaint little invitations (teacup-shaped pockets, tea bag-shaped invites complete with pink and red strings, a pressing question: "Tea Mine?") was all for naught, my family plans on spending the morning eating pancakes and drinking tea instead, so I choose to be grateful instead of disappointed. Positivity is a far better use of my precious time & energy! And come on - who could ever feel disappointed with pancakes on the table?!

Another update (about Sassy Saturday!): due to special Valentine's Day posts and my long-promised Holden & Sexuality post happening this Sunday, this week there will be a special Marvelous Monday feature in lieu of Sassy Saturday. For those of you who missed my first Sassy Saturday post last week, Sassy Saturday is a new feature on the Chick Lit Kitchen where I share with you lists of my favorite things, things I'm grateful for, or things that simply make me smile. Just think of Marvelous Monday as Sassy Saturday + 2 days! And don't worry - this arrangement is only temporary. Next week, the sassiness will return to Saturdays as usual and the Universe will hang in the balance once more.

Whew! That was a long-winded introduction - thanks for sticking it out with me while I prated on and on about Tea Parties and Marvelous Monday. Now that we've taken care of business, let me tell you why I'm really here: Gnocchi! 

This Valentine's Day, I'm sure you're all wondering: what should I cook?!?! Whether you're trying to woo a lover, impress your sister, wow your Dad, or seduce yourself tomorrow night, I have the answer to your prayers. And that is...

Sweet potato gnocchi! Yep, that's right! This recipe is one of my favorites. Paired with a fresh homemade tomato-basil sauce, you simply can't get better than some piping-hot gnocchi (yet again, I may be biased - I am Italian!). You'll love it so much, you'll want to take it home and make it your Valentine. 

Not only is this the perfect recipe for a romantic dinner, but it also makes for some pretty darn delicious comfort food. The time spent prepping and cooking is a-plenty, but it's basically free therapy. In my humble opinion, there is nothing more soothing than rolling out some fresh gnocchi dough (and savoring the fruits of your labor afterward). 

By now, your mouths are hopefully watering, so I won't keep you waiting much longer. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you....

Sweet Potato Gnocchi with Tomato Basil Sauce

For the gnocchi:

1 large sweet potato, mashed

3/4 cup whole wheat flour 

(Note: use 1 cup if using all-purpose flour)

1 egg

For the tomato sauce: 

3 tomatoes

1/4 of a white onion

1/4 to 1/2 cup water

1 tbsp olive oil

2 tsp minced garlic

3 leaves fresh basil, sliced thinly

a sprinkle of oregano

salt and pepper to taste

1. You'll want to start making the sauce first so that your gnocchi and your sauce will be ready to eat at the same time. Begin by finely chopping the onion and slicing the tomatoes into quarters (I recommend leaving the gooey seeds in for maximum texture!). Then, in a large pot, saute the garlic and onions in olive oil until the onions are translucent, or almost, but not quite, see-through. Then, add the tomatoes, basil, water, and seasonings. Let this mixture simmer for about 30-45 minutes, uncovered, while you assemble your gnocchi! 
2. Rinse the sweet potato, then bake it in the microwave by piercing it with a fork and heating it on high for 6-8 minutes until squishy all the way through (you may also want to try wrapping it in a wet paper towel - my mom taught me this; it keeps the potato soft and moist!). Wait for the potato to cool before cutting it in half, scooping the orange "guts" into a large mixing bowl, and mashing it up with a fork. 
3. Combine the sweet potato, flour, and egg in a large mixing bowl. Dust a clean, flat surface, such as a countertop, with flour and knead the dough until elastic. Roll the dough into a long, round log about 1 1/4 inch in diameter. Slice off 1-1.5 inch sections with a sharp knife and imprint with the flat side of a fork. 
4. Heat water to boil in a large pot. Add three to four gnocchi to the water at a time and boil until the gnocchi float to the surface - they will expand when cooked, and will be firm to the touch, but not hard. Remove them from the water with a slotted spoon and lay them flat on a row of paper towels or a cookie sheet to dry (I recommend a cookie sheet, as the paper towels will sometimes stick to the gnocchi). 
5. Once all the gnocchi are boiled, take your sauce mixture off the heat and pour it into a food processor. Pulse until the sauce has your desired consistency (I prefer mine just the slightest bit chunky!). Plate your gnocchi, top with sauce, and enjoy a piping hot plate of freshly-made joy! And, be sure to congratulate yourself for all your hard work: you deserve this.

A slight warning: I tend to be a guesstimater when it comes to cooking - measuring simply doesn't run in my family! (My great grandpa, when making raisin bread, explained this quirk eloquently: "You just add it till it feels right.") Thus, my recipes turn out slightly differently each time I make them; I try to write down the best version, but sometimes my memory fails me. You may want to try adjusting the quantities a bit until you find the version that works best for you! 

Thank you, darlings, for reading - as always, my heart goes out to all of you (especially YOU - you know who you are!). Try out this recipe and let me know what you think at @chicklitkitchen! I'd love to see your romantic gnocchi dinners on Instagram and Twitter, so be sure to tag me if you decide to tackle this most rewarding of mealtime challenges. And most of all, just remember: no matter who you are or who you're sharing your Valentine's Day dinner with this year, you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are loved! 

XOXO (and Happy Valentineve!), Haley